Loved people love people
I had this playful thought that it might be nice if we all had a friendly and unobtrusive angel who lived in our homes and had a single, simple message to give us each time we left the house. As we left to take on the day, the friendly angel would gently say, “Remember, up to 50% of what you say and do today will be projection of the unresolved emotional pain from your whole life onto other people. Oh, and the same is true for all the people you come into contact with today. So be careful out there, with yourself, and with all your neighbors. Hurt people hurt people.”
It’s funny isn’t it, how easily we give other people and the pain of our past, rent-free space in our heads? How often do you become convinced that someone in your life is against you, ignoring you, or working against you only to find out later that their behavior has nothing at all to do with you? They weren’t feeling well when they walked past you in the hall without speaking. Or maybe they were consumed with anxious thoughts about their child or their troubled marriage, or a million other things that have nothing to do with you. Or maybe they said something coarse to you, but it really didn’t have anything to do with you. They are just projecting some hurt or another onto you because you’re the one standing in front of them at that moment. One teacher says, The pain you don’t transform and heal, you will definitely transmit.
The bad news is that we’re often dealing with projection. People are scared and hurt and frustrated and they feel powerless to dig themselves out of the hole they are buried in, so they lash out. Hurt people hurt people. But there is tons of good news, and it overwhelms the bad news.
The good news is that I can recognize when I am in a spin cycle of projection and stop taking my pain out on other people. The good news is that the person who is lashing out at you is likely not upset with you at all. The thing one says one is angry about is frequently not the thing they are actually angry or upset about. When someone unloads on you there’s a pretty good chance it’s not about you! The good news is that God would love to take ownership of all our pain and frustration. This Sunday when you come to church bring whatever is hurting you to the altar when you come up for communion. Hold out your hands and imagine that the thing that is wounding you is in the palm of your outstretched hand. Trade what hurts for the body and blood of Christ. Literally, as the bread hits your hand say silently, “God, I offer you my pain in exchange for this bread. Amen.” The bread is the symbol for the only thing that will transform and heal your wounds - the infinite love, mercy, and grace of Jesus. Only God can heal our pain, so we should ask him to do so.
Over the course of our lives we want to give that friendly angel less and less work to do, so that finally one day she looks at us as we leave the house and says, “You know, I think you’re going to do great things for love today. Go forth from this place sewing seeds of grace on all the people you see; project the love that springs up from the gushing well within you everywhere you go. Loved people love people.”